Get to know Prince Harry (and protocol) before he arrives in Colorado Springs

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When Prince Henry Charles Albert David of Wales, colloquially known as Prince Harry, begins his weeklong tour of the U.S. on Thursday, residents are sure to jostle to rub elbows with His Royal Highness.

His trip includes a stop in Colorado Springs for the third annual Warrior Games, a competition that features more than 200 wounded, ill and injured service members from all branches of the U.S. Armed Forces and British veterans and active duty service members.

Prince Harry, the youngest son of Prince Charles and the late Princess Diana, is slated to attend the opening ceremony and a volleyball exhibition Saturday and the cycling competition Sunday. The first two events are invitation-only, but the cycling is free to the public.

Prince Harry, 28 and third in line for the British throne, always draws a crowd – perhaps a nod to his casual, approachable demeanor. His status as one of the world’s more eligible bachelors certainly doesn’t hurt to bolster his celebrity, either. He seems equally lauded for his famed pedigree as his military valor and his royal shenanigans.

During his last visit to the U.S., in 2012, Prince Harry left a trail of scandal. A trip to Las Vegas was captured by a photographer, and his naked, royal exploits – he was caught with a young woman in an alleged game of strip billiards – were published, confirming that what happens in Vegas doesn’t necessarily stay in Vegas.

With his signature aw-shucks charm, Prince Harry conceded that his actions were ‘probably a classic case of me being too much Army and not enough Prince. ‘

PROPER PRINCE PROTOCOL

Despite how casual and easy-going Prince Harry seems, royal conventions do apply. While there are no obligatory codes of behavior when meeting a member of the Royal Family, there are traditional forms to brush up on – and they are precisely that: well-observed traditions, as confirmed by the Clarence House Press Office at Buckingham Palace.

If you happen upon Prince Harry, here’s how to give him the royal treatment.

Always wait for a dignitary to give you cues: they’ll speak to you first, extend their hand first and begin their meal or tea first – or, as one might imagine in the case of Prince Harry, drink their beer first.

In greeting Prince Harry, conventions would suggest using ‘Your Royal Highness, ‘ followed by ‘sir. ‘ For example: ‘Your Royal Highness, welcome to Colorado Springs. We hope you enjoy your time here as much as you did in Las Vegas, sir. ‘

If Prince Harry happens to be travelling with his grandmother, Her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth, the same address applies, though ‘Your Royal Highness ‘ should be upgraded to ‘Your Majesty. ‘

If making an introduction, introduce up to a dignitary. For instance, if you found yourself introducing Prince Harry to your boss, you would open by saying, ‘Your Royal Highness, may I present my boss Ms. Howard to you. ‘ Then quietly bank that introduction for your annual performance review.

A greeting should be accompanied by a curtsy bob for women, whereas a head bow (just from the neck) is customary for men. These softened conventions are modern takes on traditional greetings like court curtsies (a grand sweeping movement, right to the ground) and formal bows for gents.

Prince Harry’s itinerary also includes events in Denver, New York, and Connecticut. His tour is slated to conclude May 15 with a visit to the area affected by Hurricane Sandy in New Jersey.

If you can’t catch his Royal Highness in person, fret not. You can send him mail:

His Royal Highness

Prince Harry

Clarence House

London SW1A 1BA

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For etiquette conundrums both royal and common, follow Karen Cleveland on Twitter at @schoolfinishing or www.mannersaresexy.com.

 

(First published in The Colorado Springs Gazette, May 6, 2013)

Ask An Expert: To Remove Shoes Or Not?

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There are ample sartorial conundrums out there – can you show your bra straps or how short is too short for a wear-to-work skirt? But one of the biggest issues we’ll all face at some point involves footwear, specifically to remove or not remove at a party?

To help us answer this conundrum (and to ensure you do the fashionably forward thing at your next house party), we contacted our resident etiquette expert Karen Cleveland of Finishing School.

The mark of a good host is whether or not they allow guests leave their shoes on? To think of all the time wasted, mixing drinks, whipping up food and introducing guests to each other. Pity. There is no right or wrong answer to this conundrum. But there is a place for common sense. Are these shoes freshly in from an icy or sopping wet walk on an April day? Or are they sandals that have been meticulously wiped on the front door, practically spotless, on a dry June evening.

More variables: is your carpet white or made of the skin of an exotic animal? Is your flooring fairly low maintenance hardwood that cleans up with a quick wipe? Despite all of these things to consider, it’s the host’s call, though they risk bristling a guest that differs in shoe placement opinion.

Hosts: there is a tacit liability that when you invite guest over, they might unintentionally get your things dirty. If you have an area rug that is really precious, roll that white animal skin rug up and put it away for the night. Don’t serve exclusively red wine, particularly if the crowd or occasion is bound to get raucous. If you prefer guests keep their shoes off, enlist the help of your trusted friends. Ask them to arrive a bit early and stage their shoes just so, so that other guests will hopefully get their cue.

Guests: if there is a stack of shoes at the entrance to a party, that is a clear signal to take off your shoes and add them to the pile. Get a vodka soda or other transparent beverage and start dancing on the nearest white animal skin rug.

Questions, comments and conundrums are most welcome at twitter.com/schoolfinishing or formspring.me/KarenCleveland.

(Originally published on Stylelist Canada, April, 2013)

Sample thank you message

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Dear [generous donour],

Thank you so much for your support of the [amazing cause]. I’m pleased to share that, with your help, I was able to raise [an outrageous amount of money] last month. The funds raised help support [details of impressive project] in [location].

You can check out more about [impressive project] at [www.URL.com].

In gratitude,

[fundraiser]

How to pick which charitable fundraisers to attend when you’ve only got so much money to give

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Q: My friends are really active in the charity sector and sit on fundraising committees. Inevitably, one of them is always hitting me up to buy a ticket to a fundraiser, to the tune of $100 to $200. I wish I could afford to go to them all, but it gets really expensive—and I’m not even really interested in some of their causes. Can I pick which ones to support or do I have to go to them all?

-Cash broke, karma rich

—————

There are no shortage of great causes to support—and good on the intrepid hustlers out there raising money for them! But it’s not realistic to support every charity in your city. In fact, you might actually feel like you’re making more of an impact if you focus your donations on the charities you really care about.

Your friends’ philanthropic interests aren’t mouths around a table that you have to dole out equal portions to. If the request is by email (or, cringe, Facebook), respond in that same medium explaining that you’d love to support their worthy cause, but that your charitable budget has been allocated elsewhere. And then do just that: allocate your budget however you like, towards the causes that you get really excited about supporting.

As an addendum, if there is a cause that you are particularly keen on, why not consider getting involved with it yourself? Supporting your friend is an excellent way to start, but perhaps it’s just the beginning.

(First published on She Does The City, March 2013)

Efficiency Shouldn’t Win Out Over Etiquette

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When I read Nick Bilton’s piece Disruptions: Digital Era Redefining Etiquette, from my smart phone, in between replying to texts, I felt sad. A little sad for Nick’s friends who are now probably terrified to ever call him to catch up (gasp, such precious time wasted) but also a bit sad for someone who read it and thought, “this makes sense to me. I shouldn’t clog someone’s inbox with a thank you email. I will stop sending them.” Not so fast. Really, slow down.

Send those thank you emails. Send them liberally and sincerely.

Bilton suggests a continuum that suggests the more interaction required, the more taxing (and rude) that interaction must be. Therefore, efficiency and minimal interaction surely must be the apex of good etiquette. But etiquette has never been about efficiency. That’s why there are so many forks and fussy rules on how to use them. That is also why the art of penning a well-thought thank you note has never been more important. It’s not time wasted. It’s time invested.

And while efficiency is key, particularly in a business capacity (I too like doing business with smart people who are respectful of my time), I also appreciate doing business with nice people. Kindness and thoughtfulness go a long way in building and maintaining relationships, a distance that efficiency alone cannot.

Not every medium is conducive to the same degree of communications. Texting, email, phone calls, face-to-faces meetings and Twitter (as Bilton’s mom can attest to, he explains this is how they keep in touch) all have a role but they are not fungible. You can’t take out a phone conversation and plug in a Tweet as a replacement and not expect to loss some substance.

There are no “time wasting forms of communication,” just poorly chosen forms for certain occasions.

(First published on The Huffington Post Canada, March 2013)

Shopping for Valentine’s Day with Yahoo! screen

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I had a blast shopping for Valentine’s Day gifts with Matte Babel. Here’s a video put together for Yahoo! screen.

Common mistakes men make on Valentine’s Day

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Birthdays are bad and Christmas is a challenge. But there’s no other holiday that strikes more fear into the hearts of men than Valentine’s Day.

Matte Babel speaks to etiquette advisor Karen Cleveland about the most common mistakes men make on Valentine’s Day and what to do to avoid them. They wander through MoRoCo, a luxury chocolate shop in Toronto, as Cleveland dishes the goods.

Mistake #1: You don’t plan ahead
Retailers start hauling out the pink and red decoration and Valentine’s Day goodies in early January so there’s no excuse for letting the holiday creep up on you. Karen points out that waiting until the last-minute to put together romantic or unique plans for your lady never works. “All the good cards are gone, all the good tables at restaurants are booked,” she says. “You’re setting yourself up for failure.”

Mistake #2: You refuse to celebrate
Karen outlines a common holiday cop-out, “Men lament that it’s a commercial ploy and they want nothing to do with it.” But that’s no excuse because whatever your feelings about the holiday, your partner will still have expectations for February 14th. “Women don’t care…You still have to dazzle us.”

Mistake #3: You cheese outOn the other side of the spectrum, there are men who embrace Valentine’s Day in the worst way. Most holidays have potential for hokiness so stay away from clichéd gifts. Karen explains that over-sized stuffed animals or heart-shaped boxes of chocolates are too cheesy. “It feels a little contrived. There’s really nothing authentic about it.” Ideally, you should be looking for gifts that show your feelings for her and not the same old stand-bys.

What you should get her

So what makes for an acceptable token of affection? Karen says a great gift is “something deeply personal that shows how well you know her and how much you adore her.” That might mean getting her concert tickets to her favourite band, or a rare edition of her favourite book.

For adventure-loving ladies, Karen suggests surprising a long-term partner with plane tickets for a weekend away. If it’s still early days, loading her e-reader with travel guides might feel less premature. Or for women who love luxury, an appointment at a spa makes for a thoughtful, indulgent treat.

But for men still flummoxed on how to make the occasion special, Babel asks whether chocolates and flowers can still work as gifts.

Karen recommends stepping up beyond the standard set of drugstore chocolates by seeking out a specialty shop with lots of variety. Dark chocolate ganaches are perfect for traditional women while a bolder gal might prefer a black chai tea truffle.

And no one can go wrong with roses. They’re quite simply, a classic. The best bouquets have a clean style – chic and more minimalist than the plastic-sheathed, babies’ breath-laden clusters easily found in gas stations.

But since some of the best gifts show their specificity, this could mean treating her to nicely wrapped package of licorice if she prefers them to chocolate or showering her with tulips if she prefers them to roses.

It’s all about keeping things personal – to show that you really know her and care.

This is not a test. Ok, it is a test.

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My friend Maryam, purveyor of all things Lady Like shared this quiz a few months back and I’ve been meaning to link to it. I bet Maryam and James Bond both nailed this test. I wish more people understood revolving door protocol. What might seem like cutting someone off to beat them to the door is actually just me trying to get the door in motion for them.  Sigh. The best laid plans…..

The link to the original test is here. Not feeling testy? You can skip the quiz and just get to the answers here.

When greeting someone for the first time, a cupped handshake (in which my left hand covers the normal handshake) is a good way to show my sincerity and interest.

a. True
b. False

When socializing at a cocktail party, it is best to hold my glass in which hand?

a. Right
b. Left
c. It doesn’t make a difference

During a business meeting at an up-scale restaurant, a lady should expect a gentleman to pull her chair out for her.

a. Yes, or else he is not really a gentleman
b. No, the days of gallantry have passed
c. No, but it would be nice if he did

In Japan, gift-giving protocol dictates that it is best to avoid offering gifts wrapped in which color wrapping paper?

a. Blue
b. White
c. Black

During a business meal, it is permissible to place my cellular telephone on the table?

a. True
b. False

The following is an appropriate introduction: Mr. Client Dubois, I would like to introduce to you Mrs. Boss Whitman.

a. Yes
b. No

Who goes through a revolving door first, the host or the visitor?

a. The Host
b. The Visitor

When is it okay to send confidential information via email or to discuss client business on a cell/mobile phone in a semi-private area?

a. Anytime
b. Only when it is urgent
c. Email if it is a private address. Cell phone if not many people are around.
d. Never

When you are finished eating, your napkin should be?

a. Folded loosely and placed on the right side of the plate.
b. Folded loosely and placed on the left side of the plate.
c. Folded loosely and placed in the center of the plate.
d. Placed on the seat of your chair.

When dining in India, which hand should you eat with?

a. The right hand
b. The left hand
c. Either hand

In which countries should the “OK” sign be avoided (thumb and forefinger forming a circle with other three fingers splayed upward)?

a. France
b. Germany
c. Japan
d. Brazil
e. Russia
f. All of the above

When at meetings at which people are wearing name tags, the best place to put my name tag is on my left chest area.

a. True
b. False