Tell your friend her husband is on Tinder with a non-judgmental screen grab, etiquette expert says
What’s the proper way to address an email to my staff? “Hi folks?” “Hey all?” “Colleagues?” Nothing seems quite right. I don’t want them to think we’re friends. I might have to fire them.
Well, big boss, you can take some liberties with how you address the staff. In fact, you don’t need a noun at all. Controversial, I know, but you can just start an email with “Hello” or “Good morning,” slap a comma beside it and get on with it. You’re right in not wanting to be too colloquial, as it is still a professional environment. That said, you can still address your colleagues, as well, people. You don’t need to address them with the formality that would have went out in a 1980s inter-office fax. Nor do you need to pretend to be chummier than you actual are. If you walk into the office and say, “Hey guys” because it feels natural for you, then you might feel comfortable using that language in an email. Exercise your good judgment, which as a boss, I’m sure you have in spades.
Nooooooo do not swipe right! He might very well think you are game for an affair, and I’m going to assume that you are not keen to sleep with your friend’s husband. But do use your phone for something else. Take a screen grab of him and send it to your friend with a non-judgey comment, like, “Hey, is this your husband on Tinder?” For all you know, they have an open relationship and she’s also on Tinder, swiping her heart out. Or, you’ll have just given her a crucial piece of information that will prompt a very important conversation between them. Either way, don’t make any assumptions, but don’t hide your discovery. Honesty is, as they say, the best policy.
Yup, but you’ll do it anyways, won’t you? Because you’re human. And when we meet someone we’re into, we want to know everything about them as quickly as we can, so that we can text a friend and say, “I KNEW it! His profile picture is from the same part of Italy that I’ve been to, so we’re totally destined to be together!”
Try not to get too caught up in this. You will be looking for information that has no context. You might see something and give it too much weight, like photos of him with other women. And you’ll immediately want to know what their deal is. Nothing good can come from this. Give his social profile the requisite glance to make sure there is nothing alarming (you did say you met at a bar…) or off-putting, them move on. Assuming you exchanged contact information, save getting to know him for in real life.
Etiquette expert Karen Cleveland answers your questions about life online. Tweet her your questions: @SchoolFinishing
(Originally appeared in the Toronto Star, September 2015)