Category Archives: CONTRIBUTIONS AND IN THE MEDIA

Get to know Prince Harry (and protocol) before he arrives in Colorado Springs

Posted on by

 

 

When Prince Henry Charles Albert David of Wales, colloquially known as Prince Harry, begins his weeklong tour of the U.S. on Thursday, residents are sure to jostle to rub elbows with His Royal Highness.

His trip includes a stop in Colorado Springs for the third annual Warrior Games, a competition that features more than 200 wounded, ill and injured service members from all branches of the U.S. Armed Forces and British veterans and active duty service members.

Prince Harry, the youngest son of Prince Charles and the late Princess Diana, is slated to attend the opening ceremony and a volleyball exhibition Saturday and the cycling competition Sunday. The first two events are invitation-only, but the cycling is free to the public.

Prince Harry, 28 and third in line for the British throne, always draws a crowd – perhaps a nod to his casual, approachable demeanor. His status as one of the world’s more eligible bachelors certainly doesn’t hurt to bolster his celebrity, either. He seems equally lauded for his famed pedigree as his military valor and his royal shenanigans.

During his last visit to the U.S., in 2012, Prince Harry left a trail of scandal. A trip to Las Vegas was captured by a photographer, and his naked, royal exploits – he was caught with a young woman in an alleged game of strip billiards – were published, confirming that what happens in Vegas doesn’t necessarily stay in Vegas.

With his signature aw-shucks charm, Prince Harry conceded that his actions were ‘probably a classic case of me being too much Army and not enough Prince. ‘

PROPER PRINCE PROTOCOL

Despite how casual and easy-going Prince Harry seems, royal conventions do apply. While there are no obligatory codes of behavior when meeting a member of the Royal Family, there are traditional forms to brush up on – and they are precisely that: well-observed traditions, as confirmed by the Clarence House Press Office at Buckingham Palace.

If you happen upon Prince Harry, here’s how to give him the royal treatment.

Always wait for a dignitary to give you cues: they’ll speak to you first, extend their hand first and begin their meal or tea first – or, as one might imagine in the case of Prince Harry, drink their beer first.

In greeting Prince Harry, conventions would suggest using ‘Your Royal Highness, ‘ followed by ‘sir. ‘ For example: ‘Your Royal Highness, welcome to Colorado Springs. We hope you enjoy your time here as much as you did in Las Vegas, sir. ‘

If Prince Harry happens to be travelling with his grandmother, Her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth, the same address applies, though ‘Your Royal Highness ‘ should be upgraded to ‘Your Majesty. ‘

If making an introduction, introduce up to a dignitary. For instance, if you found yourself introducing Prince Harry to your boss, you would open by saying, ‘Your Royal Highness, may I present my boss Ms. Howard to you. ‘ Then quietly bank that introduction for your annual performance review.

A greeting should be accompanied by a curtsy bob for women, whereas a head bow (just from the neck) is customary for men. These softened conventions are modern takes on traditional greetings like court curtsies (a grand sweeping movement, right to the ground) and formal bows for gents.

Prince Harry’s itinerary also includes events in Denver, New York, and Connecticut. His tour is slated to conclude May 15 with a visit to the area affected by Hurricane Sandy in New Jersey.

If you can’t catch his Royal Highness in person, fret not. You can send him mail:

His Royal Highness

Prince Harry

Clarence House

London SW1A 1BA

-

For etiquette conundrums both royal and common, follow Karen Cleveland on Twitter at @schoolfinishing or www.mannersaresexy.com.

 

(First published in The Colorado Springs Gazette, May 6, 2013)

Ask An Expert: To Remove Shoes Or Not?

Posted on by

There are ample sartorial conundrums out there – can you show your bra straps or how short is too short for a wear-to-work skirt? But one of the biggest issues we’ll all face at some point involves footwear, specifically to remove or not remove at a party?

To help us answer this conundrum (and to ensure you do the fashionably forward thing at your next house party), we contacted our resident etiquette expert Karen Cleveland of Finishing School.

The mark of a good host is whether or not they allow guests leave their shoes on? To think of all the time wasted, mixing drinks, whipping up food and introducing guests to each other. Pity. There is no right or wrong answer to this conundrum. But there is a place for common sense. Are these shoes freshly in from an icy or sopping wet walk on an April day? Or are they sandals that have been meticulously wiped on the front door, practically spotless, on a dry June evening.

More variables: is your carpet white or made of the skin of an exotic animal? Is your flooring fairly low maintenance hardwood that cleans up with a quick wipe? Despite all of these things to consider, it’s the host’s call, though they risk bristling a guest that differs in shoe placement opinion.

Hosts: there is a tacit liability that when you invite guest over, they might unintentionally get your things dirty. If you have an area rug that is really precious, roll that white animal skin rug up and put it away for the night. Don’t serve exclusively red wine, particularly if the crowd or occasion is bound to get raucous. If you prefer guests keep their shoes off, enlist the help of your trusted friends. Ask them to arrive a bit early and stage their shoes just so, so that other guests will hopefully get their cue.

Guests: if there is a stack of shoes at the entrance to a party, that is a clear signal to take off your shoes and add them to the pile. Get a vodka soda or other transparent beverage and start dancing on the nearest white animal skin rug.

Questions, comments and conundrums are most welcome at twitter.com/schoolfinishing or formspring.me/KarenCleveland.

(Originally published on Stylelist Canada, April, 2013)

How to pick which charitable fundraisers to attend when you’ve only got so much money to give

Posted on by

Q: My friends are really active in the charity sector and sit on fundraising committees. Inevitably, one of them is always hitting me up to buy a ticket to a fundraiser, to the tune of $100 to $200. I wish I could afford to go to them all, but it gets really expensive—and I’m not even really interested in some of their causes. Can I pick which ones to support or do I have to go to them all?

-Cash broke, karma rich

—————

There are no shortage of great causes to support—and good on the intrepid hustlers out there raising money for them! But it’s not realistic to support every charity in your city. In fact, you might actually feel like you’re making more of an impact if you focus your donations on the charities you really care about.

Your friends’ philanthropic interests aren’t mouths around a table that you have to dole out equal portions to. If the request is by email (or, cringe, Facebook), respond in that same medium explaining that you’d love to support their worthy cause, but that your charitable budget has been allocated elsewhere. And then do just that: allocate your budget however you like, towards the causes that you get really excited about supporting.

As an addendum, if there is a cause that you are particularly keen on, why not consider getting involved with it yourself? Supporting your friend is an excellent way to start, but perhaps it’s just the beginning.

(First published on She Does The City, March 2013)

Efficiency Shouldn’t Win Out Over Etiquette

Posted on by

When I read Nick Bilton’s piece Disruptions: Digital Era Redefining Etiquette, from my smart phone, in between replying to texts, I felt sad. A little sad for Nick’s friends who are now probably terrified to ever call him to catch up (gasp, such precious time wasted) but also a bit sad for someone who read it and thought, “this makes sense to me. I shouldn’t clog someone’s inbox with a thank you email. I will stop sending them.” Not so fast. Really, slow down.

Send those thank you emails. Send them liberally and sincerely.

Bilton suggests a continuum that suggests the more interaction required, the more taxing (and rude) that interaction must be. Therefore, efficiency and minimal interaction surely must be the apex of good etiquette. But etiquette has never been about efficiency. That’s why there are so many forks and fussy rules on how to use them. That is also why the art of penning a well-thought thank you note has never been more important. It’s not time wasted. It’s time invested.

And while efficiency is key, particularly in a business capacity (I too like doing business with smart people who are respectful of my time), I also appreciate doing business with nice people. Kindness and thoughtfulness go a long way in building and maintaining relationships, a distance that efficiency alone cannot.

Not every medium is conducive to the same degree of communications. Texting, email, phone calls, face-to-faces meetings and Twitter (as Bilton’s mom can attest to, he explains this is how they keep in touch) all have a role but they are not fungible. You can’t take out a phone conversation and plug in a Tweet as a replacement and not expect to loss some substance.

There are no “time wasting forms of communication,” just poorly chosen forms for certain occasions.

(First published on The Huffington Post Canada, March 2013)

Shopping for Valentine’s Day with Yahoo! screen

Posted on by

I had a blast shopping for Valentine’s Day gifts with Matte Babel. Here’s a video put together for Yahoo! screen.

Common mistakes men make on Valentine’s Day

By
Birthdays are bad and Christmas is a challenge. But there’s no other holiday that strikes more fear into the hearts of men than Valentine’s Day.

Matte Babel speaks to etiquette advisor Karen Cleveland about the most common mistakes men make on Valentine’s Day and what to do to avoid them. They wander through MoRoCo, a luxury chocolate shop in Toronto, as Cleveland dishes the goods.

Mistake #1: You don’t plan ahead
Retailers start hauling out the pink and red decoration and Valentine’s Day goodies in early January so there’s no excuse for letting the holiday creep up on you. Karen points out that waiting until the last-minute to put together romantic or unique plans for your lady never works. “All the good cards are gone, all the good tables at restaurants are booked,” she says. “You’re setting yourself up for failure.”

Mistake #2: You refuse to celebrate
Karen outlines a common holiday cop-out, “Men lament that it’s a commercial ploy and they want nothing to do with it.” But that’s no excuse because whatever your feelings about the holiday, your partner will still have expectations for February 14th. “Women don’t care…You still have to dazzle us.”

Mistake #3: You cheese outOn the other side of the spectrum, there are men who embrace Valentine’s Day in the worst way. Most holidays have potential for hokiness so stay away from clichéd gifts. Karen explains that over-sized stuffed animals or heart-shaped boxes of chocolates are too cheesy. “It feels a little contrived. There’s really nothing authentic about it.” Ideally, you should be looking for gifts that show your feelings for her and not the same old stand-bys.

What you should get her

So what makes for an acceptable token of affection? Karen says a great gift is “something deeply personal that shows how well you know her and how much you adore her.” That might mean getting her concert tickets to her favourite band, or a rare edition of her favourite book.

For adventure-loving ladies, Karen suggests surprising a long-term partner with plane tickets for a weekend away. If it’s still early days, loading her e-reader with travel guides might feel less premature. Or for women who love luxury, an appointment at a spa makes for a thoughtful, indulgent treat.

But for men still flummoxed on how to make the occasion special, Babel asks whether chocolates and flowers can still work as gifts.

Karen recommends stepping up beyond the standard set of drugstore chocolates by seeking out a specialty shop with lots of variety. Dark chocolate ganaches are perfect for traditional women while a bolder gal might prefer a black chai tea truffle.

And no one can go wrong with roses. They’re quite simply, a classic. The best bouquets have a clean style – chic and more minimalist than the plastic-sheathed, babies’ breath-laden clusters easily found in gas stations.

But since some of the best gifts show their specificity, this could mean treating her to nicely wrapped package of licorice if she prefers them to chocolate or showering her with tulips if she prefers them to roses.

It’s all about keeping things personal – to show that you really know her and care.

The well-mannered year ahead: Kick off 2013 with some very polite resolutions

Posted on by

Karen Cleveland, Special to National Post

Fotolia

You don’t have to use a quill and inkwell, but handwritten thank-you notes will make all the difference in 2013.

Diets, schmiets. Such pedestrian resolutions are usually gone by spring, anyway. Reign in the unrealistic ambition and instead, consider your crisp new calendar the perfect opportunity to really commit to a better year. Karen Cleveland shares her tips on how to make 2013 your most polished, charmed, best year yet, one month at a time.

January: Give the consummate toast
The most memorable toasts are concise, eloquent and convey just the right amount of emotion. Start by surveying the scene. Everyone have a drink? Stand and clear your throat, or move to a more visible area to get their attention. Make your intentions known in a clear, confidence voice (fake one, if you lack one). “Thank you for coming, I’d like to raise a glass to [insert subject or occasion of your toast here].” Say a few kind words about your subject, then raise your glass higher and repeat the toastee’s name. People will drink on your cue. Purists don’t clink, they merely raise glasses. Larger audiences logistically prohibit a clink and eye contact with every single guest, so just do your best. If you are the subject being toasted, lucky you! Do not drink to yourself — simply sit back and revel in the moment.

February: Upgrade from emails to handwritten notes
I know, email is so much more convenient than sitting down to write notes by hand, but the same could be said of paper plates over dishes. Paper and handwriting is just, well, nicer. Stockpile some great stationary that you are actually excited to use and a surplus of stamps. Grab some scrap paper to scribble what you want to write and test out your pen. A good note should address the recipient (Dear friend), touch on the occasion (“Thank you for hosting an excellent dinner”) and any specifics (“Sorry again about that red wine incident, it’s a late Christmas miracle that it came out of the carpet”) and close with a fitting sign off (“Looking forward to returning your hospitality, Sincerely, you’). Sure, you could put this in an email, but doesn’t  the medium elevate the message?

March: Make your bed every morning, all month
Making your bed is a metaphor. It sends a signal to the universe, and to yourself, that you set aside few moments of each day to add some order to your life. No matter how hellish your day was, you can take solace in knowing there is a tiny little sliver of civility waiting for you, in the form of a crisply made bed. Do it for a month and see how you feel. Such small daily rituals can set the tone for other things in life. Whether that tiny ritual is making your bed, in the morning, not going to sleep with a sink full of dirty dishes, or not using your front entrance way as a dumping ground, relish in some little practices that honour your nest.

April: Spring clean your online persona
If someone were to Google you right now, or creep your Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn profile, what would they find? Years ago, before the marvels of social media, we lived private lives and actively chose what parts of ourselves we wanted to make public. Today that model is totally inverted. Take care of your online reputation in the same delicate way that you would your offline persona. Do some digging and relentlessly edit, untag and delete until you are happy with your online image.

May: Edit your closet
This is a considerable task to undertake but a gratifying and important one. Set aside a weekend day. Begin by taking everything out of your wardrobe and sorting it into three piles. Pile one is for things you regularly wear and that are in good repair. A second pile is for things that you want to wear, but need some love. The final pile is for items fit to donate or if they are beyond that, shred into rags. Remove this third pile from your home immediately, as you’ll be instantly more motivated with a good purge under your belt. Take things to be mended, pressed, polished or sewn as needed, then put everything back into your wardrobe in a state that it is ready to be worn. Rotate items so forgotten pieces get their due, and if space is an issue, store your fall and winter items separately (under the bed storage boxes to the rescue).You’ll likely realize that most of the items you pitched were things you never really needed to buy, or they were of such poor quality, they fell apart. Shop smart by sticking to well-made things that you’ll actually wear, and that are on point with your social and professional life.

June: Make memorable introductions
Your dazzling handshake should be accompanied by your first and last name when introducing yourself. If you struggle remembering names, try repeating the name of the person you just met (“nice to meet you, Robin”). You can try to draw some recall connections, like reminding yourself that Robin is wearing red. When introducing two people, introduce up. If you introducing your intern to you president, you would say, “President, may I introduce you to our newest intern, John”. A person of high rank, importance or seniority (I know, I cringe at that too) is named first and receives the introduction. If you are introducing two peers that haven’t met, providing some context can help the conversation along. For example, “I’ve been meaning to introduce you. John, meet Mike. You both spent time in Italy last year.”

July: Be the best damn cottage guest
Charm your hosts so much and you just might score invitations for every weekend until Labour Day. Confirm what time you should arrive so you don’t surprise your hosts and arrive with something awesome for them. Help with meal preparations and clean up and make your stay as least invasive as possible. That means not taking over the entire bathroom vanity, hijacking the iPod with your music or leaving your wet towel and stack of magazines on the dock. Thank your hosts for having you with a thoughtful handwritten note, which you mastered back in February, right?

August: Throw an “oh, it’s nothing” weeknight dinner party
Summer entertaining is inherently casual, so ever an intimidated host can pull together a Wednesday night dinner party with ease. Gorgeous fresh produce, BBQs and long, lazy nights beckon for unfussy dinners.  Invite your guests a week or so out, then use that week to set aside mini tasks. Shop for beer and wine one night, stock up on ice the next, buy flowers the night before, and before you know it, the night of your dinner will only need your actual meal preparation. Grill everything you possibly can: some bread to serve with a salad to start, fish, meat, veggies or pizza for a main, then some fruit (serve over ice cream) for dessert. A bucket of beer and wine on ice within arm’s reach, a plethora of white candles and a laid-back soundtrack for the night and you’re set. Best part of grilling your entire meal? Very few dishes to wash up.

September: Pour the perfect cocktail
Chalk it up to the revelry of TIFF or the siren call of comfort cocktails, but when temperatures dip, I’m ready for a proper drink. Master a classic cocktail that you like to drink, perhaps an Old Fashioned, Tom Collins, Manhattan or Negroni. Stock up on quality ingredients and barware then enlist a trusted group of tasters to sample your concoctions. Warning: your skills are bound to improve with every round you serve them: it’s just science. Feel free to tinker with a trusted recipe, but only after you’ve mastered the purist’s version.

October: Nail a power lunch (or breakfast, or dinner)
Breaking bread with a client can galvanize a relationship. Or ruin it. Pick a date and time first, then choose a venue that is reputable, conducive to talking business and conveniently located for your guest. Make a reservation. If you are going to try for a table at a hotspot that doesn’t take reservations, get there very, very early as not to keep your guest waiting twenty minutes for a table. Give them the better seat at the table and keep your phone off of the table. Instagramming your meal is verboten. Settle into some small talk (read the headlines that day) before delving into shop talk. When the bill comes, they who did the inviting typically grabs the cheque, but to hell with that custom if grabbing the bill saves you from an awkward moment. Follow up from your meal with whatever you promised you would and if it seems natural, touch on something non-business related, for example, “thanks for your time over lunch, Nicole. Attached is the concept we discussed. Have a great time at the Brickworks this weekend with your daughter.”

November: Call in sick like a grownup
Cold and flu season isn’t fun for anyone, so coming to work when you are knowingly contagious is a cardinal sin. Spare your colleagues from your gnarly germs by staying home. Call or email your boss explaining that you are staying home sick for the day (text message is likely too casual a medium to convey this). Touch on who-can-cover-off-what in your absence, and if you hazard a guess, say when you expect to be back in fine fighting form. No need to go into gory details, but a cursory descriptor of what ails you should suffice.

December: Indulge in a bit of the good life
In a month saturated with shopping and hosting others, what is the harm in picking up a little something for yourself?  Treat yourself to something that your heart desires. Surely those lovely sheets, fancy stemware or decadent bottle of scotch will benefit your guests just as much as you, right? ‘Tis the season!

(Published first in the National Post, December 2012)

Etiquette expert Karen Cleveland on how to survive holiday pitfalls

Posted on by

There is more to the holiday season than love, joy, peace and goodwill.

There is also chaos, the merry mayhem you can feel in your bones. And stress, the did-I-remember-to-do-x? anxiety you can feel in your soul. Let’s face it, for every jingling bell, there is a jangled nerve.

Around this time of year, there are also etiquette dilemmas.

What happens when family dinners cook up the opposite of joy and peace? Are the rules of engagement for a Secret Santa gift swap flexible? How do we teach our kids the true meaning of Christmas amid the raging consumerism?

To help you navigate the holidays — or, perhaps, survive them — we wrapped a few questions and sent them to Karen Cleveland, an etiquette expert:

Q: What happens when someone you never exchange gifts with suddenly gives you one? Are you obliged to start a new tradition?

A: The dreaded gift ambush! If caught without a gift, accept the present warmly and graciously. And if you’re so inclined, lie. Lie through your teeth. Explain that their gift is at your home and would they like to come over for a drink the night after next to get it?

Q: Speaking of Christmas cheer, if your extended family now includes a vegan, someone with a severe dairy allergy and a recovering alcoholic, how do you plan a family dinner that makes everyone happy and nobody sick?

A: Perhaps that Christmas cheer is an afternoon tea, complete with lactose-free milk, Stevia, vegan muffins and sugar-free preserves? To use your word, you, well, plan. Rather than try to function as a short-order cook and create one dish for every person’s unique need, get creative and find something that ideally everyone can enjoy. You might have to spend some considerable time creating a menu that works, but at the risk of sounding sickeningly festive, don’t feel beleaguered by that planning. Relish the fact that you have an extended family. You could be celebrating it alone.

Q: What’s the best way to divide holiday time when you have to visit multiple family homes?

A: Very, very carefully. Modern families are complicated units, particularly when step-relatives, in-laws and physical distances are factored in. It is hard to please everyone. In fact, you probably won’t, so all you can do is your best to divide your time equally, without making yourself crazy in the process. Setting expectations in advance might help quell ruffled feathers when you have to leave mom’s Christmas Eve tea early to make it to dad’s in time for a round of eggnog.

Q: How do you deal with a single relative who always gets drunk and then begins saying wildly inappropriate things?

A: Every guest deserves your best hosting prowess — even if it means gritting your teeth through their indiscretions. There is a lovely old adage that the true test of good manners is pleasantly dealing with bad ones. A host isn’t responsible for their guests’ behaviour.

Q: Speaking of indiscretions, here’s a random workplace query: What is the best response if your married boss is openly hitting on underlings at the office Christmas party? What’s the best way to intervene without jeopardizing your own career?

A: Unless you’ve been invited to join them in their rendezvous — or are the spouse of said married boss — what makes you think this is of your concern? It’s not. The situation calls for neither an intervention nor catty gossip the following day.

Q: Okay, still in the office. You’re participating in a Secret Santa. You’ve picked a name and have a perfect gift in mind for this colleague, who is also a friend. But the gift is way more than the mandated price limit. Is it okay to break the rules?

A: Price parameters are put in place for good reason. If you blow the Secret Santa budget cap, the gift recipient will likely be chuffed by your generosity, but the rest of the group might think you’re showboating. If the gift is truly perfect, and you have a close enough relationship with the colleague, give it to them for their birthday.

Q: Is a “Merry Christmas” email ever an acceptable substitute for an actual paper card that’s sent in the mail?

A: You can eat Christmas dinner off of paper plates, if you really want to. No one is going to stop you from sending your holidays tidings in an email rather than a card. It’s better than nothing, isn’t it? Though I’d rather get a thoughtful, beautifully handwritten card in the mail on Dec. 26 than a generic email late afternoon on Dec. 24.

Q: Does the season of generosity have a potential downside? Children today already seem to have so much stuff. Then during the holidays, they’re lavished with more. What’s the best way to instill a sense of value and gratitude? How do we help our kids appreciate what they get when they already have so much?

A: How can generosity, if meant in its true sense, have a downside? Getting caught up in the consumerism of the holidays might blur the lines between generosity and “oh, good grief, as if they need another toy,” sure. But the spirit and intention in which a gift is given sets the tone. If gratitude begets gratitude, perhaps being thankful that you have so many loved ones to buy for is a good place to begin?

Karen Cleveland is a hosting expert who has collaborated with Jackson-Triggs this holiday season to create the ultimate guide to hosting. For more tips, follow Karen on Twitter at @schoolfinishing.

(First published in the Toronto Star, December 2012)