Tag Archives: Hosting

Ask An Expert: To Remove Shoes Or Not?

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There are ample sartorial conundrums out there – can you show your bra straps or how short is too short for a wear-to-work skirt? But one of the biggest issues we’ll all face at some point involves footwear, specifically to remove or not remove at a party?

To help us answer this conundrum (and to ensure you do the fashionably forward thing at your next house party), we contacted our resident etiquette expert Karen Cleveland of Finishing School.

The mark of a good host is whether or not they allow guests leave their shoes on? To think of all the time wasted, mixing drinks, whipping up food and introducing guests to each other. Pity. There is no right or wrong answer to this conundrum. But there is a place for common sense. Are these shoes freshly in from an icy or sopping wet walk on an April day? Or are they sandals that have been meticulously wiped on the front door, practically spotless, on a dry June evening.

More variables: is your carpet white or made of the skin of an exotic animal? Is your flooring fairly low maintenance hardwood that cleans up with a quick wipe? Despite all of these things to consider, it’s the host’s call, though they risk bristling a guest that differs in shoe placement opinion.

Hosts: there is a tacit liability that when you invite guest over, they might unintentionally get your things dirty. If you have an area rug that is really precious, roll that white animal skin rug up and put it away for the night. Don’t serve exclusively red wine, particularly if the crowd or occasion is bound to get raucous. If you prefer guests keep their shoes off, enlist the help of your trusted friends. Ask them to arrive a bit early and stage their shoes just so, so that other guests will hopefully get their cue.

Guests: if there is a stack of shoes at the entrance to a party, that is a clear signal to take off your shoes and add them to the pile. Get a vodka soda or other transparent beverage and start dancing on the nearest white animal skin rug.

Questions, comments and conundrums are most welcome at twitter.com/schoolfinishing or formspring.me/KarenCleveland.

(Originally published on Stylelist Canada, April, 2013)

The well-mannered year ahead: Kick off 2013 with some very polite resolutions

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Karen Cleveland, Special to National Post

Fotolia

You don’t have to use a quill and inkwell, but handwritten thank-you notes will make all the difference in 2013.

Diets, schmiets. Such pedestrian resolutions are usually gone by spring, anyway. Reign in the unrealistic ambition and instead, consider your crisp new calendar the perfect opportunity to really commit to a better year. Karen Cleveland shares her tips on how to make 2013 your most polished, charmed, best year yet, one month at a time.

January: Give the consummate toast
The most memorable toasts are concise, eloquent and convey just the right amount of emotion. Start by surveying the scene. Everyone have a drink? Stand and clear your throat, or move to a more visible area to get their attention. Make your intentions known in a clear, confidence voice (fake one, if you lack one). “Thank you for coming, I’d like to raise a glass to [insert subject or occasion of your toast here].” Say a few kind words about your subject, then raise your glass higher and repeat the toastee’s name. People will drink on your cue. Purists don’t clink, they merely raise glasses. Larger audiences logistically prohibit a clink and eye contact with every single guest, so just do your best. If you are the subject being toasted, lucky you! Do not drink to yourself — simply sit back and revel in the moment.

February: Upgrade from emails to handwritten notes
I know, email is so much more convenient than sitting down to write notes by hand, but the same could be said of paper plates over dishes. Paper and handwriting is just, well, nicer. Stockpile some great stationary that you are actually excited to use and a surplus of stamps. Grab some scrap paper to scribble what you want to write and test out your pen. A good note should address the recipient (Dear friend), touch on the occasion (“Thank you for hosting an excellent dinner”) and any specifics (“Sorry again about that red wine incident, it’s a late Christmas miracle that it came out of the carpet”) and close with a fitting sign off (“Looking forward to returning your hospitality, Sincerely, you’). Sure, you could put this in an email, but doesn’t  the medium elevate the message?

March: Make your bed every morning, all month
Making your bed is a metaphor. It sends a signal to the universe, and to yourself, that you set aside few moments of each day to add some order to your life. No matter how hellish your day was, you can take solace in knowing there is a tiny little sliver of civility waiting for you, in the form of a crisply made bed. Do it for a month and see how you feel. Such small daily rituals can set the tone for other things in life. Whether that tiny ritual is making your bed, in the morning, not going to sleep with a sink full of dirty dishes, or not using your front entrance way as a dumping ground, relish in some little practices that honour your nest.

April: Spring clean your online persona
If someone were to Google you right now, or creep your Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn profile, what would they find? Years ago, before the marvels of social media, we lived private lives and actively chose what parts of ourselves we wanted to make public. Today that model is totally inverted. Take care of your online reputation in the same delicate way that you would your offline persona. Do some digging and relentlessly edit, untag and delete until you are happy with your online image.

May: Edit your closet
This is a considerable task to undertake but a gratifying and important one. Set aside a weekend day. Begin by taking everything out of your wardrobe and sorting it into three piles. Pile one is for things you regularly wear and that are in good repair. A second pile is for things that you want to wear, but need some love. The final pile is for items fit to donate or if they are beyond that, shred into rags. Remove this third pile from your home immediately, as you’ll be instantly more motivated with a good purge under your belt. Take things to be mended, pressed, polished or sewn as needed, then put everything back into your wardrobe in a state that it is ready to be worn. Rotate items so forgotten pieces get their due, and if space is an issue, store your fall and winter items separately (under the bed storage boxes to the rescue).You’ll likely realize that most of the items you pitched were things you never really needed to buy, or they were of such poor quality, they fell apart. Shop smart by sticking to well-made things that you’ll actually wear, and that are on point with your social and professional life.

June: Make memorable introductions
Your dazzling handshake should be accompanied by your first and last name when introducing yourself. If you struggle remembering names, try repeating the name of the person you just met (“nice to meet you, Robin”). You can try to draw some recall connections, like reminding yourself that Robin is wearing red. When introducing two people, introduce up. If you introducing your intern to you president, you would say, “President, may I introduce you to our newest intern, John”. A person of high rank, importance or seniority (I know, I cringe at that too) is named first and receives the introduction. If you are introducing two peers that haven’t met, providing some context can help the conversation along. For example, “I’ve been meaning to introduce you. John, meet Mike. You both spent time in Italy last year.”

July: Be the best damn cottage guest
Charm your hosts so much and you just might score invitations for every weekend until Labour Day. Confirm what time you should arrive so you don’t surprise your hosts and arrive with something awesome for them. Help with meal preparations and clean up and make your stay as least invasive as possible. That means not taking over the entire bathroom vanity, hijacking the iPod with your music or leaving your wet towel and stack of magazines on the dock. Thank your hosts for having you with a thoughtful handwritten note, which you mastered back in February, right?

August: Throw an “oh, it’s nothing” weeknight dinner party
Summer entertaining is inherently casual, so ever an intimidated host can pull together a Wednesday night dinner party with ease. Gorgeous fresh produce, BBQs and long, lazy nights beckon for unfussy dinners.  Invite your guests a week or so out, then use that week to set aside mini tasks. Shop for beer and wine one night, stock up on ice the next, buy flowers the night before, and before you know it, the night of your dinner will only need your actual meal preparation. Grill everything you possibly can: some bread to serve with a salad to start, fish, meat, veggies or pizza for a main, then some fruit (serve over ice cream) for dessert. A bucket of beer and wine on ice within arm’s reach, a plethora of white candles and a laid-back soundtrack for the night and you’re set. Best part of grilling your entire meal? Very few dishes to wash up.

September: Pour the perfect cocktail
Chalk it up to the revelry of TIFF or the siren call of comfort cocktails, but when temperatures dip, I’m ready for a proper drink. Master a classic cocktail that you like to drink, perhaps an Old Fashioned, Tom Collins, Manhattan or Negroni. Stock up on quality ingredients and barware then enlist a trusted group of tasters to sample your concoctions. Warning: your skills are bound to improve with every round you serve them: it’s just science. Feel free to tinker with a trusted recipe, but only after you’ve mastered the purist’s version.

October: Nail a power lunch (or breakfast, or dinner)
Breaking bread with a client can galvanize a relationship. Or ruin it. Pick a date and time first, then choose a venue that is reputable, conducive to talking business and conveniently located for your guest. Make a reservation. If you are going to try for a table at a hotspot that doesn’t take reservations, get there very, very early as not to keep your guest waiting twenty minutes for a table. Give them the better seat at the table and keep your phone off of the table. Instagramming your meal is verboten. Settle into some small talk (read the headlines that day) before delving into shop talk. When the bill comes, they who did the inviting typically grabs the cheque, but to hell with that custom if grabbing the bill saves you from an awkward moment. Follow up from your meal with whatever you promised you would and if it seems natural, touch on something non-business related, for example, “thanks for your time over lunch, Nicole. Attached is the concept we discussed. Have a great time at the Brickworks this weekend with your daughter.”

November: Call in sick like a grownup
Cold and flu season isn’t fun for anyone, so coming to work when you are knowingly contagious is a cardinal sin. Spare your colleagues from your gnarly germs by staying home. Call or email your boss explaining that you are staying home sick for the day (text message is likely too casual a medium to convey this). Touch on who-can-cover-off-what in your absence, and if you hazard a guess, say when you expect to be back in fine fighting form. No need to go into gory details, but a cursory descriptor of what ails you should suffice.

December: Indulge in a bit of the good life
In a month saturated with shopping and hosting others, what is the harm in picking up a little something for yourself?  Treat yourself to something that your heart desires. Surely those lovely sheets, fancy stemware or decadent bottle of scotch will benefit your guests just as much as you, right? ‘Tis the season!

(Published first in the National Post, December 2012)

Holiday hosting made easy with etiquette expert Karen Cleveland and Jackson-Triggs

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by Irene Seiberling

I love Christmas! Do you realize it’s just over two months away? It’ll be here before we know it.

So, I did a little online Christmas shopping before heading to work this morning. And I’ve already extended invitations to family and friends for festive get-togethers, so they could mark them on their calendars before they get completely booked up.

‘Tis the season to entertain. I always appreciate tips that make hosting: holiday gatherings easy. So this media release  from Jackson-Triggs piqued my interest. It shows us how to channel our inner host with expert advice from hosting guru Karen Cleveland.

Here’s the release:

The holiday season is upon us and we all know that means: holiday parties, and lots of them! While guests have it made, hosts have some work to do. Jackson-Triggs has collaborated with hosting expert Karen Cleveland to create the ultimate holiday hosting guide, sure to help any host – first-time or experienced – to create the ultimate holiday experience for their guests.

“I was inspired by the challenges I’ve faced as a host when entertaining over the holiday season,” says hosting expert Karen Cleveland, who works for St. Joseph Media by day. “We’ve created an easy to follow guide that can help even a novice host sparkle and deliver a holiday experience their guests won’t soon forget.”

 A Selection of Tips from the Jackson-Triggs Guide to Hosting

• List everything you need to buy and set mini deadlines for getting it all. If any of the prep work can be done early, get it all out of the way.

• When stocking up, scope out the boxed wine selection too. They’re a cinch if you’re pre-pouring a few trays of wine to have ready as guests arrive.

• Don’t stress about decor – keep it basic. Try all white with tons of greenery like magnolia and boxwood. They last and look great without being overdone.

• Anticipate guests’ arrival by having music on, wine pre-poured, snacks ready – like cheese, and a place for coats, accessories, and boots.

• Don’t be a slave to the party. Freshen food and guests’ glass throughout the night, but remember to get out and enjoy your own party!

• Last but not least, plan your revelry! Take some unabashed relaxation time the next day to put your feet up and bask in your hosting success.

“Above all, my best piece of advice is to keep it simple,” says Karen Cleveland. “Hosting with ease is the name of the game. Boxed wine is a logical choice for entertaining over the holidays, whether you’re planning one big hurrah or a few smaller parties.”

Five great reasons to consider boxed wine over the holidays:

• Value. It holds more than 5 bottles and still costs less.

• Convenience. It is easy to open and fits nicely into the fridge or pantry.

• Less packaging. Only 1 bag vs. 5 bottles.

• Portability. It’s easy to carry, without glass or bulky bottles to worry about.

• Freshness. Boxed wine stays fresh for up to 6 weeks.

With Jackson-Triggs guide to hosting, guests will look back days after the party and remember one thing: the gracious host. What more could any one ask for?

For a full list of Karen Cleveland’s hosting tips,  visit: http://pinterest.com/jacksontriggs/hosting-tips-a-toast-to-the-host

Follow Irene Seiberling on Twitter at https://twitter.com/ISeiberling

(First published in The Leader Post, October 2012)

Five Unique Hostess Gifts For That Last Summer Invite

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There’s no more avoiding the obvious: the last weekend of summer is looming. Hopefully the past few months held long, languorous days devoted to soaking up the sun in good company. If a trip away for Labour Day weekend is in the cards, bringing along something nice for your host could keep you as a guest in good standing.

Flowers or a great bottle of wine are always good, safe bets, but if you’re jockeying to be top of mind for the first long weekend invite for next spring, it might be time to stock some other gifts.

Books

  • Nothing says unabashed relaxation more than being horizontal with a book. If you know your host well enough, you could pick up a display-worthy coffee table book on a topic they are into. If you know them intimately and think they share your taste in literature, you could pick up copies of some of your favourite reads.

 

Magazines For The Year

  • Magazine subscriptions are the gift that keeps on giving. If you have a sense of what they read and subscribe to, you could bring the latest issue of a magazine with a note explaining that you’ve arranged for year’s subscription.

Food

  • Foods that can be lazily grazed on are perfect because they don’t impede your host’s planned menu or cramp their kitchen. Bring along fresh baked goods to add to tomorrow’s breakfast table, or visit a great patisserie for treats — like fresh marshmallows and macaroons — that will last for a few days. Buy twice the amount and you’ll even have excellent snacks for the drive….

Booze

  • Not to knock the ubiquitous bottle of wine, but there are boundless options when it comes to boozy gifts. Bring along the ingredients for a classic cocktail (Negronis are my favourite) and a classic shaker, or find a gorgeous pitcher and whip up a few batches of sangria. Just ensure you’ve brought all the ingredients to keep out of your host’s hair.

Coffee and tea

  • Put together a basket of some freshly ground high-end coffee and some gorgeous teas. It could also be packaged prettily into a teapot or a French press — salvation for a die-hard coffee drinker should they find themselves a guest in the home of a non-coffee drinking host.

(Published first on The Huffington Post Canada, August 2012)

Five Unique Hostess Gifts For That Last Summer Invite

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There’s no more avoiding the obvious: the last weekend of summer is looming. Hopefully the past few months held long, languorous days devoted to soaking up the sun in good company. If a trip away for Labour Day weekend is in the cards, bringing along something nice for your host could keep you as a guest in good standing.

Flowers or a great bottle of wine are always good, safe bets, but if you’re jockeying to be top of mind for the first long weekend invite for next spring, it might be time to stock some other gifts.

Books

  • Nothing says unabashed relaxation more than being horizontal with a book. If you know your host well enough, you could pick up a display-worthy coffee table book on a topic they are into. If you know them intimately and think they share your taste in literature, you could pick up copies of some of your favourite reads.

Magazines For The Year

  • Magazine subscriptions are the gift that keeps on giving. If you have a sense of what they read and subscribe to, you could bring the latest issue of a magazine with a note explaining that you’ve arranged for year’s subscription.

Food

  • Foods that can be lazily grazed on are perfect because they don’t impede your host’s planned menu or cramp their kitchen. Bring along fresh baked goods to add to tomorrow’s breakfast table, or visit a great patisserie for treats — like fresh marshmallows and macaroons — that will last for a few days. Buy twice the amount and you’ll even have excellent snacks for the drive….

Booze

  • Not to knock the ubiquitous bottle of wine, but there are boundless options when it comes to boozy gifts. Bring along the ingredients for a classic cocktail (Negronis are my favourite) and a classic shaker, or find a gorgeous pitcher and whip up a few batches of sangria. Just ensure you’ve brought all the ingredients to keep out of your host’s hair.

Coffee and tea

  • Put together a basket of some freshly ground high-end coffee and some gorgeous teas. It could also be packaged prettily into a teapot or a French press — salvation for a die-hard coffee drinker should they find themselves a guest in the home of a non-coffee drinking host.

(Published first on The Huffington Post Canada, August 2012)

 

How to Make Summer Drinks Look Sexy

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You need not be a mixologist or have a fully stocked bar to serve up something fabulous for your guests.

  • Pretty up your bubbly. There is something undeniably convivial and festive about popping open a bottle of bubbly. Prosecco is my go-to to stockpile year round and serve. For summer, doll it up with berries, citrus zest, or a splash of a good quality fruit juice (pear and peach are nice).
  • Use frozen fruit as souped up ice cubes. They won’t dilute a drink the way ice does, plus the effect looks summery, adding some colour and flavour as they melt. Grab a few extra ice cubes trays and freeze the fruit of your choice in them.
  • Whip up fancy syrups. Bring two parts sugar to one part water to boil in a pot. Once simmering, toss in a handful of herbs from your garden and leave it for a few minutes. Cool and strain, and mix away. Gin is fantastic with savouries like thyme and rosemary.
  • Master a sangria. Experiment with a few recipes to get one that you love (weekend drinking assignment!). Sangrias are the stews of cocktails, in the sense that you can add almost anything you’ve got on hand. They are also great for putting otherwise mediocre wines to work. Stick with dry wines as sangria is sweetened by the other ingredients. Try white sangria with Pinot Grigio or cava, a liquer (cointreau, brandy) and any white flesh fruit like peaches or pears. Add your juice of choice to taste. Or, grab a bottle of Rioja, brandy, and pomegranate juice and whatever berries you can find for a classic red sangria.
  • Muddle the waters. White spirits like rum and vodka are easily paired with soda and can be muddled with whatever herbs and fruit you have handy. Rum, lime and mint make for a classic mojito, or try blueberries with thyme, or basil with berries. Vodka, watermelon and mint are summer in a glass, too.

We can’t talk cocktails without mentioning responsible hosting. Always stock tons of non-alcoholic options and feed your guests liberally. Be mindful of how much you drink, so you can look after your guests.

Happy hosting!

 

(First published on The Huffington Post Canada, June 2012)

How to share in a religious celebration – while avoiding awkward moments

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by Wency Leung

You may not believe in God, but your Aunt Marge does. So when she invites you over for a holiday meal, should you participate in the family’s religious rituals and prayers, or risk offending your host?

Whether it’s Easter dinner, Passover, a wedding or bar mitzvah, certain gatherings can get awkward when guests and hosts don’t share the same faith. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

We asked authorities of good behaviour how both guests and hosts can happily celebrate without embarrassing themselves or infringing on each others’ beliefs. Here, they offer their advice:

FOR GUESTS

Do your homework: If you don’t know what’s appropriate or what to expect, find out before you go. On certain occasions, for example, it may not be fitting to bring gifts. On others, it may be frowned upon to show up empty-handed.

“It’s like if you travel to another country,” says Suzanne Nourse, founder and director of The Protocol School of Ottawa. “You have a responsibility to do your homework, so you don’t go to the Middle East in short shorts and a tank top.”

Have an open mind: You may never become a convert, but be willing, at least, to explore what others’ rituals and beliefs entail, says Margaret Page, founder and director of Etiquette Page in Vancouver.

“Obviously, you have something in common because you’ve been invited,” she says.

Besides, Ms. Page adds, you never know. You may come away with a different perspective, or a better understanding of a particular belief system.

Keep your objections to yourself: “Silently respect the host’s observation,” says Toronto etiquette expert Karen Cleveland. “That’s a hard rule.”

Someone else’s event is not the forum to tout your religious differences, she says.

And don’t just keep your comments to yourself, Ms. Nourse adds. Eye-rolling and hostile body language are no-no’s as well.

“If you feel so strongly against something, then don’t go,” Ms. Nourse says. And if you do decide to go, consider it an honour.

Know the difference between active and passive participation: During prayers, go ahead and bow your head as a sign of respect, Ms. Cleveland says. But you needn’t go beyond that. “You’re not doing anything active. You’re not repeating words, you’re not saying a prayer, you’re not participating in any sort of religious activity.”

Should you fake it? “I think to each their own,” Ms. Cleveland says, noting that she has attended various weddings in the past, in which she’s been moved to repeat a prayer, just because it felt convivial. “I suppose it just depends on where your convictions lie.”

FOR HOSTS

Make it easy for your guests: If you know your guests aren’t familiar with your customs, prepare them for what to expect, Ms. Nourse says. They’ll appreciate it if you give them a heads-up about any dress codes or taboos.

Don’t be pushy: “Where we see challenges is when people become forceful, when they want this other person to see things the way they see things,” says Ms. Page.

Let your guest determine how much they want to know about your beliefs. Give them the opportunity to ask questions, she says. Don’t bombard them with what you’d like them to know. “Otherwise, [you] scare them.”

Let guests choose how they want to participate: If a guest wants to be a silent observer, so be it, Ms. Cleveland says. “I think an excellent metaphor might be if you’re having vegetarian dinner guests, would you insist on having steak?”

At the same time, she says, carry on with your plans and with how you celebrate the occasion. There’s no need to go out of your way to accommodate. For instance, when drawing up the guest list, she says, “I wouldn’t worry about doing a mental tally of various sects to make sure [no one feels left out].”

If you’re having overnight guests, and you don’t know what to do with them when it’s time to go to church, synagogue or the mosque, let them know your plans. “Say, ‘Look, we’re headed to Mass at 10 a.m. if you’d like to join us. If not, we’re going to round up for brunch here at noon,’” Ms. Cleveland says. That way, you’ve put out the invitation and have still given them an opportunity to bow out.

(First published in The Globe and Mail, April 2012)