How to pick which charitable fundraisers to attend when you’ve only got so much money to give

Posted on March 19, 2013 by Karen Cleveland

Q: My friends are really active in the charity sector and sit on fundraising committees. Inevitably, one of them is always hitting me up to buy a ticket to a fundraiser, to the tune of $100 to $200. I wish I could afford to go to them all, but it gets really expensive—and I’m not even really interested in some of their causes. Can I pick which ones to support or do I have to go to them all?

-Cash broke, karma rich

—————

There are no shortage of great causes to support—and good on the intrepid hustlers out there raising money for them! But it’s not realistic to support every charity in your city. In fact, you might actually feel like you’re making more of an impact if you focus your donations on the charities you really care about.

Your friends’ philanthropic interests aren’t mouths around a table that you have to dole out equal portions to. If the request is by email (or, cringe, Facebook), respond in that same medium explaining that you’d love to support their worthy cause, but that your charitable budget has been allocated elsewhere. And then do just that: allocate your budget however you like, towards the causes that you get really excited about supporting.

As an addendum, if there is a cause that you are particularly keen on, why not consider getting involved with it yourself? Supporting your friend is an excellent way to start, but perhaps it’s just the beginning.

(First published on She Does The City, March 2013)

All devices off of the table

Posted on October 13, 2012 by Karen Cleveland

(A friend of mine introduced me to the term “topless meetings”. Before you forward this to your HR manager, the expression refers to a tabletop staying free of devices during meetings. No laptops. No iPhones. No iPads. No Blackberries. Nothing that requires a charge. The idea underpinning device-free meetings is that such gadgets can prove more distracting than helpful. Ever had to reiterate a point because it was lost on someone reading an email (or checking Twitter, or any other activity our handhelds gloriously afford)? Or worse, had to ask for clarification because you were more caught up in your iPhone than the discussion? Therein lays the case for banning devices from meetings.

How meetings are conducted varies widely by company, and drastically by sector. So before crafting a memo lobbying for (or against) topless meetings, take careful stock of how meetings go down in your office, and of course, how critical your device is to your role.

When you pack up for your next meeting and look longingly at your phone, consider…

Are you chairing the meeting?

Permissible to bring your device, but plan to talk. A lot. If you are easily tempted to check your phone to the point it may affect your ability to lead the meeting, perhaps leave it at your desk.

Are you responsible for taking notes and sending a follow up?

Your task requires full concentration, so take notes eagerly. Having a calendar might be handy for follow up scheduling purposes, so be ready to whip one (electronic or paper) out.

Room full of clients or a very serious meeting topic?

Writing notes by hand sends an obvious signal to those around the table that you’re fully present. If taking notes on a phone, they might (might!) wonder if you’re working or playing as you type away.

Is your name on the company plague out front?

By all means. Do whatever you like, boss.

Whether your phone stays on the table in front of you, or tucked away at your desk, be mindful of the chorus of rings and beeps it sends off. Silent or whisper quiet tones are office friendly. And check your settings to see whether your phone previews text that might not be ideal for the office.

(First published on She Does The City, October 2012)

Office attire for the dog days of summer

Posted on May 24, 2012 by Karen Cleveland

Office attire for the dog days of summer

The summer blazer of our dreams: Smythe Pajama Blazer in Cobalt. WANT!

Fall and winter in Canada beckon for wools and knits—dressing for the office is a cinch. And while my heart aches for the Bay Street gentlemen I pass on my morning commute, braving scorching days in head-to-toe wool while looking so handsome in those well cut suits, it is possible to feel comfortable and look pulled together during the warmer months.

If you are in an active job or walk to work, a pair of teetering heels don’t make sense. That doesn’t mean the same flips flops worn puttering around on the weekend are the answer, either. A pretty pair of flats or loafers are both functional and chic for the office, or for commuting.
Work-worthy fabrics shouldn’t be too sheer or tight (check in natural lighting to see if your underthings are showing through). Ensure that the neckline and sleeve cut mitigate any rogue bra straps from peeking out and find a bra that has souped up straps you can move around.
Keep a basic blazer or cardigan at the office and toss it on when the A.C. is cranked, or when a meeting calls for it. In the same way that leggings are not pants (they aren’t), camisoles are not tops – they are lingerie.
Fewer things ruin an otherwise polished look more than seeing someone who can’t walk in her heels. Only buy shoes that you can comfortably get around in. Feet should be kept groomed and neat, otherwise, please, don’t show them. No gnarly calluses or chipped polish.
Open toe shoes are often verboten in very corporate environments, though an inventory around the office or a scan of your HR policy should confirm if they are welcome at yours. If there’s a green light on open toe shoes, they should still be office appropriate, so no flip flops, or strappy stilettos—nothing too beachy or cocktaily.
Skirts and dresses can sit differently without tights on underneath. Try them on to check they aren’t too sheer or too short to be worn with bare legs to the office. If you can sit comfortably in a skirt without having to tug at the hemline, then it is likely a good length—and that is usually an inch or so above the knee. If you are braving a hemline that is a bit shorter (please, not *too* much shorter at the office), keep the rest of your outfit and shoes more modest to balance the look.
If the idea of adding powder to your face on a hot day feels icky, try blotting papers instead to soak up grease and freshen up.

(First published on She Does The City, May 2012)

Keeping Peace on the Streets – Cycling Etiquette

Posted on May 10, 2012 by Karen Cleveland

Keeping Peace on the Streets – Cycling Etiquette

Fresh air on a bike trumps a cramped subway commute any day, particularly when the weather warms and spring fever sets in. The rules of the road, whether for safety or for keeping the peace, apply to everyone, regardless of how many wheels they are riding on. Sadly, road rage isn’t limited to those in cars.

The tenets of being a civilized cyclist are more than just being courteous: they ensure safety. Andrea Garcia, Director of Advocacy at the Toronto Cyclists Union offers up some advice for sharing the streets.

Cyclists

Ring my beeeeeell! Unlike car horns, which are the audible equivalent of an expletive and a fist shake, bike bells sound gentle and friendly. Use bells gratuitously to let everyone know you are close by. (I hope this song is stuck in your head now, too.)
Move predictably. Pass on the left (just as you would when driving on the highway), merge gently with cars and other cyclists and always signal your intended direction.
Be smart. Follow up the rules by obeying traffic lights (ahem, red lights), and be wary of anything that stunts your awareness, like music cranked in your ear buds. If your bike tires are larger than 61cm (unless you are four years old and peddling like hell on your tricycle, this likely applies to you), stay off of the sidewalk.

Motorists

Listen for those bells! People on bikes don’t have booming car horns, so keep your ears open for that cautionary ‘ding’.
Be mindful of making rights. When turning right, be sure to check your mirror and blind spot to ensure a cyclist is not in your path.
No one wants a door prize. Watch when opening your door and remind other passengers in your car to please do the same.

For more advice from Andrea, check this smart video.

~ Karen Cleveland | Photo from charikichi.tumblr.com

(First published on She Does The City, May 2012)

Developing a crush on Matt Dees. Oh, and his wines. Jonata wine tasting at The DepARTment

Posted on April 4, 2012 by Karen Cleveland

Developing a crush on Matt Dees. Oh, and his wines. Jonata wine tasting at The DepARTment

A dozen or so of Toronto’s oenophiles (and one aspiring one, ahem, me) congregated at a Dundas West gallery for a Friday evening that felt like a dinner party – but with a twist. The gathering doubled as a sweet send-off for The Department (the gallery space will soon be converted to a hair salon) and as a casual setting for Matt Dees of Jonata wines to walk attendees through an intimate tasting of his Santa Ynez, California offerings.

Organized by Jamie Drummond and Malcolm Jolley of Good Food Revolution, the vibe was decidedly unpretentious, hit home perhaps by the fact that beers were cracked and casually consumed before a bottle of wine was even opened. Then, things got serious. Well, not too serious. Dees struck a perfect balance by geeking out over soil (he has a degree in it, as Shinan prompted me to remember) and keeping his references completely accessible. Some of my favourites include….

- “Saying wine is food friendly is like saying hats are head friendly.”
- “Wine is almost made before it even gets to the winery.”
- “There is a food for every wine.”

A purist, Dees makes his wines aided by his degree in dirt, lunar cycle and the help of clever goats. With the shy pride of a new father, he describes his wine like promising progenies. While the entire tasting flight was delicious, I fell instantly in love with his 2006 La Fuerza da Jonata Petit Verdot that I suspect you need a secret handshake or special insignia tattoo to find. Very little of this wine was made and even less of it is still available. Its inky, almost sappy, blackness stained the glass on contact and the taste had me immediately wanting to explore outside of Napa for my next California wine purchase.

Learn more about Jonata wine and winemaker Matt Dees.

Just how late is fashionably late?

Posted on March 30, 2012 by Karen Cleveland

A quick text message makes it almost too easy to tell a friend that we are running ten minutes behind schedule. And while ten minutes isn’t the end of the world, if we are consistently ten minutes late, it might really chap a friend’s ass. It sends a message, if even in a whisper, that our time is more precious than theirs. Full disclosure: I am occasionally guilty of this, too, and bless my friends for loving me in spite of it.

Particularly when someone is providing sustenance, punctuality is important, arriving within 15 minutes of when you were invited to come. In fact, showing to a dinner party a sliver late (five or ten minutes) might give your hosts a moment to catch their breath. The French have this nailed: showing up early to dinner and ambushing your hosts early could potentially embarrass them, quel désastre, so a few minutes of grace time is just that, graceful. However, showing up more than 20 minutes late, with no heads up, isn’t cool.

If you are a serial offender, try putting appointments into your calendar 15 minutes before you are meant to be there. And if you can’t realistically get to dinner on time, call to tell your host. They can then make a decision on whether to hold off on serving or ordering until you arrive, or opt to go ahead without you. Some people might not be at all fussed and others might be unimpressed with your tardiness. Apologize once you arrive, regardless.

(First published on She Does the City, March 2012)

My neighbour’s dog never shuts up

Posted on February 24, 2012 by Karen Cleveland

A normal day has it up at 4:30am wherein it then proceeds to whine, cry, bark, and howl until 7am. It barks when it’s outside, it barks when it’s in, it barks when our neighbours are home, it barks when they are not. It’s relentless and even as a non-violent person I’ve started fantasizing about drop kicking it in it’s curly stupid face. We like our neighbours and do the “hey, how are you thing” but we aren’t close. How do I address this situation with them without utterly destroying our relationship.

Help?

Sleepless in T.O.

Dear Sleepless in T.O.,

Almost two things are as certain as your justified frustration. The first is that it is not the dog’s fault. The second is that your neighbour is not going to like you calling them out. And that’s just fine.

Dog owners think their pets are wonderful in the same way that parents think of their children and that is in the most positive positive light. Maintaining the understanding that you can’t knock the pooch off its pedestal will help you smooth this out. You won’t win if you approach it from any other way. The pooch stays on the pedestal.

If you are close enough to exchange pleasantries, then you are close enough to have this conversation in person. Resist the temptation to slip a passive aggressive note under their door. I am not suggesting the discussion is going to be pleasant, but it is worth it to have it face to face.

Take a deep breath and knock on the door. If the little offender greets you at the door when your neighbour answers, offer your hand for a sniff and a little head scratch. The pooch’s owner will note the gesture.

Ask your neighbour if they have a quick moment to chat and explain that while you think their dog is delightful (this compliment is key), you are an absolute walking zombie because its barking keeps you awake. Let them know you’ve been debating how to broach the subject for ages and hoping it would just stop, but as it hasn’t, you’ve come to them to deal with it. Don’t bitch. Don’t complain. Don’t get snotty. Simply state the situation, thank them for their time and wish them a great day. From there, you’ll have to see how it shakes out. In the meantime, get earplugs.

If a week goes by and you are still not seeing progress, make a “Dog Be Damned” playlist that you can crank up to drown out the barking. See if they have the audacity to complain about how loud you’re playing music at 7:00am. If they do, I wouldn’t be too fussed about destroying a relationship. Some people are just straight-up pricks and you wouldn’t want them as friends, anyway.

(First published on Shedoesthecity.com, February 2012)

Hot valentine’s date etiquette

Posted on February 8, 2012 by Karen Cleveland

Manners are sexy! Whether you are going on a date with someone on Valentine’s Day for the first or hundredth time, some helpful tips to up your game.

• Valentine’s Day is a packed night for restaurants so a reservation might be a great idea. If you’re going somewhere that doesn’t take reservations, or you’re just meeting up for a drink, try and get there early so you can beat your date there, and nab seats.

• A menu of aphrodisiacs can feel a bit contrived and often subtly is sexier.

• Bad table manners are a massive turn off. Keep those basics in mind, such as napkin on lap, not inhaling your meal, not talking with mouth full and treating the wait staff kindly.

• You want your date’s full attention (and they want yours) so keep phones away. If it is out of site, you will be less tempted to check it.

• If you are checking out a new place, give some thought to details to keep you punctual, like how you’ll get there and where you’ll park.

• When the bill hits the table, there’s nothing more awkward than a drawn-out exchange of “I’ll get it”, “no, I insist, I’ll get it”. If someone really wants to treat you, let them, and graciously thank them. If you want to contribute and the night is going well, you could offer to carry on somewhere else for dessert, coffee or a drink as your treat, or offer to pick up the bill for your next date.

(First published on She Does the City, February 2012)

Sweat it out

Posted on January 6, 2012 by Karen Cleveland

Every January gyms get predictably busier, jammed with those who made a vow at 11:59 on December 31 to get fit. Whether you are a consistent gym-rat or newly on your way to getting jacked, good for you. Here are some tips to keep things civilized when getting your sweat on.

· The change room is not your own personal naked parade. It is a purely functional space – get in, get changed, get out.

· If someone is working out between a few machines, it is totally acceptable to ask how many sets they have left, or if you can work in. It is not, however, acceptable to stare them down while tapping your foot. To kill some time while they finish up, stretch or work on something else.

· Your choice of music while you are at the gym is just that – yours. Ear buds in, please and thank you.

· For some people, working out is a social activity where chitchat is welcomed. For others, it is a solitary activity. Assume the latter until proven otherwise.

· Wipe down your equipment after you have used it. Anything that you have sweated on needs to be thoroughly spritzed, sanitized and wiped. If you notice someone not abiding by this the next time you are done wiping down your equipment, subtly drop off the spray bottle directly near their them. You’re just being helpful, right?

(First published on She Does the City, January 2012)