Group Travel Tips: On Keeping the Peace

Posted on July 5, 2012 by Karen Cleveland

Another glorious summer long weekend has passed, perhaps you were lucky enough to jet someplace fabulous, or pile into the car for a road trip. There is nothing quite like travelling to cement a relationship. The gloves come off, so to speak. When cramped quarters, jet lag or language barriers are factored in, true colours are unabashedly revealed.

Most travel let-downs can be quelled by discussing how you see things shaking out…

Arrange a pre-departure coffee or cocktail with your travel mates to chat about the big picture stuff. Will you share a room? Is the plan to travel together the entire time, or are you hoping to break off for a few days by yourself? Now is the time, well before the trip, to discuss these particulars.

Try to really, really relax. Hours cramped into a car or on a plane, lack of sleep, and the other less sexy elements of travelling take their toll on the most positive people. Take it easy on your companions, be the first to help them out and they’ll do the same for you.

Resist the urge to over-plan a trip and keep a few things in mind that you can do alone. Throwing your running shoes into your bag can offer up a short reprieve and some time for yourself, which might be desperately needed. Inevitably, not everyone shares the same interests, and everyone relaxes in their own way.

Respect communal space. By all means settle into holiday mode, but be mindful of the spaces you share with your travel companions. The vanity isn’t your own personal primping area. Your iPod isn’t necessarily the soundtrack for the group. The teeny tiny closet isn’t just for your belongings.

Lastly, avoid quibbling over cash. Don’t fret over petty spending. A meal here, or a taxi ride there, isn’t worth fretting over and will only put a damper on your trip. In fact, you might want to establish a convivial vibe from the start by picking up the first round of celebratory drinks.

(First published on The Huffington Post Canada, July 2012)

traveling with others

Posted on June 25, 2012 by Karen Cleveland

presse agent Karen Cleveland

there’s nothing quite like traveling together to accelerate a relationship. as the gloves can come off, so to speak, via jet lag, nick-of-time connecting flights, language barriers, and currency jumbles… true colours can reveal themselves in unabashed ways. particularly when traveling with a new boyfriend, girlfriend, or multiple mates. so i suggest some navel gazing on your travel etiquette, as well as taking an assessment on those of your trip companion(s), to ensure you all land on common ground.

set expectations in advance …most letdowns can be quelled with some discussions on how you see things shaking out. go for a pre-departure coffee or cocktail with your travel buddies to chat about the big picture stuff. will you be sharing sleeping quarters? if so, what is the set up, and who is fronting the deposit on their credit card? will you travel together the entire time, or are you hoping to break off for a few days by yourself? this is the time, well before the trip, to discuss these particulars.

be the most relaxed version of yourself …hours on a plane, lack of sleep, and the other less sexy elements of traveling, can deplete even the most chipper chaps and chicas. don’t take things too personally, and remember that the trip has an end date. take it easy on your companions. be the first to help them out and they’ll do the same for you.

do not overschedule …if there are places to visit, sites to see, or restaurants to eat at – that the group is collectively interested in hitting – plan to pepper them throughout the trip. if you are accustomed to traveling alone, leave some time for solo exploring. that way you can check out the things that your friends aren’t keen on doing, and simply meet up afterwards over lunch or dinner. inevitably, not everyone will share the same interests, and breaking apart for a day or two will make for some great stories over a bottle of wine when you do reconvene.

respect shared space …by all means settle into relaxed vacation mode, but be mindful of the spaces you share with your travel companions. the vanity isn’t your own personal primping area. your iPod isn’t necessarily the soundtrack for the group. the teeny tiny closet isn’t just for your belongings.

avoid quibbling over cash …don’t fret over petty spending. a coffee here, or a taxi ride there, isn’t worth quibbling over and will only put a damper on your trip. in the grand scheme of things, the cost doesn’t matter. instead, consider it a karmic deposit. in fact, you might want to establish a convivial vibe from the start by offering to pick up the first round of celebratory drinks. hopefully, your friends will pick up on this and one of them will get the next round. if not, fear not…you’ve treated some friends to a cocktail to kick off your trip. a good thing, right?

based in Toronto, Karen Cleveland tackles all things etiquette, from the traditional to the taboo. follow her on Twitter @SchoolFinishing and visit mannersaresexy.com

(First published for The Travel Press, June 2012)

How to charm a local host: the Finishing School guide to dinner parties abroad

Posted on June 25, 2012 by Karen Cleveland

Karen Cleveland – Smith guest blogger and Canada-based doyenne of decorum – follows up her first post on Italian etiquette (How to… fare bella figura) with another manners-minding missive, this time on dinner-party protocol for globetrotting guests…

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Well done, you savvy traveller, you: your charm and witty banter has earned you a dinner invitation at a lovely local’s home. By all means, accept it. Making friends when travelling is one of life’s pleasant surprises and may very well take your trip to another level – a true glimpse into your host country.

Before you jump in the shower, polish yourself up and put on your Sunday best, it behooves you to give some thought to, and do some quick research on, what to bring along to dinner. Because, of course, a good guest never arrives empty-handed.

If you are lucky enough to score a dinner invitation on your travels in Asia or parts of the Middle East, don’t take it personally if your host doesn’t open up your gift in front of you: tradition is such that gifts are not opened in front of the gift-bearer (in case it is a terrible present: the gift giver is therefore spared the humiliation). Likewise, if you are presented with a gift, do not open it unless invited to.

One might think that sending flowers in advanced of dinner is a sure bet, but regional traditions covet certain blooms for special occasions. While an arrangement of white flowers is a lovely gesture to a dinner host in Mexico, a bouquet of white chrysanthemums is more appropriate for funerals in Japan and France. In Asia, odd numbers are ominous while many Europeans still follow the custom of sending an uneven number of flowers, suggesting inseparability — though please, don’t sent an inauspicious thirteen stems.

Regardless of wherever on this great wide world you are dining, take note that showing up with an armload of cut stems might actually pull your host away from their meal preparations. Best to come with flowers already arranged, or better yet, leave it to the professionals and have an arrangement sent earlier that day. In China, gifts are often presented in pairs, so if bringing along of bottle of wine, bring along a second.

Some traditionalists suggest that bringing wine to dinner might imply that the host’s cellar is inadequate, particularly in countries that are proud of their local wine production. If that is of concern, a great bourbon or scotch might be more fitting. Also be mindful of larger cultural implications of a well-intentioned gift: bringing alcohol to a Muslim home is in poor form.

Whatever thoughtful gift you bring to dinner, be sure to thank your host following the meal. And reciprocate with an invitation to host them when they are on your home soil.

Based in Toronto, Karen Cleveland tackles all things etiquette, from traditional to taboo. Follow her on Twitter or drop by for a visit.

(First published on Mr & Mrs Smith, June 2012)

The Opinion – Travel Etiquette

Posted on May 24, 2012 by Karen Cleveland

the opinion : travel etiquette

presse agent Karen Cleveland

travel is what you make of it. there’s a lovely old adage that if life is a book, not venturing abroad is akin to not turning to the next page. and while i’m a firm proponent that jumping on a last-minute flight going anywhere is always a great idea, spending some time gussying up on your destination’s customs can make the difference between being a tourist and really traveling.

travel etiquette basics

1. make friends with Google Translate

a humble attempt at a few sentences, regardless of how mispronounced they might be, will earn far more points than slowly repeating yourself with expansive gestures in English. try. just try. practice saying the basics like “hello”, “good bye”, “please”, “thank you” and, “can you help me”. it is also helpful to be able to ask whether someone speaks English in the language that you’re addressing them in.

2. friendly, but not sloppy

some languages have formal and informal variants (like “tú” and “usted” in Spanish) so take care not to be too casual. likewise, “ciao” is often reserved for close relations. erring on the side of grammatical formality shows a respect for the language and place you’re visiting, and that you’ve brushed up a bit – both ingratiating qualities.

3. nuances and customs

maps and fanny packs aren’t the only things that scream “tourist”. abide by local conventions, whether it is keeping arms and legs covered in sacred places, or respecting requests not to take photos. eating and drinking like a local will also help you settle into an authentic experience, so take your cues from where and how they dine.

4. be curious

fortune favours the bold, so when traveling, balance your sense of respect with a voracious curiosity. most locals love to answer questions about their homeland, particularly when they are thoughtful, sincere and asked by someone genuinely interested in understanding their culture. you’ll gain insights and make memories from chatting up a local that you would never glean by reading a travel guide.

based in Toronto, Karen Cleveland tackles all things etiquette, from the traditional to the taboo. follow her on Twitter @SchoolFinishing & visit mannersaresexy.com

(First appeared in The Travel Presse, May 2012)

How to… fare bella figura: the Finishing School guide to faking it in Italy

Posted on May 15, 2012 by Karen Cleveland

You’re in Italy. You’re armed with an insider guide (ours, hopefully). You know *all* the best places to go. So why are your attempts to order an afternoon coffee on a sunlit Roman piazza ridiculed? Why does requesting parmesan for your spaghetti alle vongole earn you instant presentation of the bill? And why, at the next ristorante, do you wait 45 minutes to settle up?

There are obvious answers (your pronunciation; cheesy clams are revolting; you didn’t ask) but, to pass yourself off as a seasoned Italy buff, you’re going to need more help. Which is why we’ve handed this post over to guest blogger Karen Cleveland (right) – doyenne of decorum, Huffington Post etiquette expert and Finishing School columnist – to unravel the intricacies of Italian customs…

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Ah, the dolce vita. A warm welcome might have visitors to Italy feeling the love – and feel the love they should – but don’t let the convivial be mistaken for the blasé. Social codes run deep in Italian culture and are decidedly Italian. Non-smoking signs are brazenly ignored, men of any orientation stroll arm in arm, and caffeinated drinks are ordered on a militant schedule. A few insights into the nuances can increase one’s stock with the locals, and also help you fare bella figura – make a good impression.

MANGIA! MANGIA!

While meals served family-style cry out for sharing, a dish intended for one diner rarely is rarely shared. Italians are serious about their food – fair play, it is fabulous – so you won’t see much sampling from co-diner’s plates.
Adding parmesan cheese to a seafood dish is grounds for judgement, if not a gesture towards the exit, from your server.
Do not assume that your empty plates signal that you are ready for the bill. Unless explicitly asked for (‘Il conto, per favore’), you will not get your cheque: no server wants their guests to feel rushed.
Italian coffee is taken as seriously as Italian food: typically, milky cappuccinos and lattes are preferred in the morning and espressos after lunch or dinner. Ordering a cappuccino at 4pm is not verboten, it just means that you’ll likely get a free smirk along with your beverage.

OUT AND ABOUT

Lines and queuing are nice ideas rather than actual things in Italy. Do not be alarmed by crowds that move en masse. Chin up. Make your way to the front along with the group and if you smile and speak up, you will get served. (Eventually.)
Italians adore and respect their elderly – rightly so. Always defer to the most senior person in a situation, whether that means offering up your seat or inviting them to order first at the table.
Be respectful when visiting Italy’s gorgeous churches. Not only should shoulders be covered and phones tucked away on silent, but you should also not chew gum or even drink from your water bottle while inside.
‘Ciao‘ is too colloquial for strangers and is reserved for close family and friends. Instead, opt for a more formal good day (‘buongiorno’) or good evening (‘buonasera’) for greetings and goodbyes.

ITALIAN GESTURES

Both hands together with index fingers pointed to the ground means you’re planning something a bit naughty. Master this one.
Hands in prayer with a sincere, calculated shake is rooted in an appeal to the Mother of God. It signals exasperation: ‘Oh, come ON!’
Flicking the fingers forward from under the chin is a solid, ‘I don’t give a damn’. Use it sparingly, but with conviction.
The Italian gesture for ‘perfect’ is identical to how Europeans and North Americans (and divers) signal OK. Italians often add a horizontal swipe for extra emphasis, or double up with both hands, as though twisting the ends of an invisible moustache – perfetto!

Based in Toronto, Canada, Karen Cleveland tackles all things etiquette, from the traditional to the taboo. She has contributed to, and been featured by, media outlets that she likes so much, she blushes. Follow her on Twitter or drop by for a visit.

Find more How to… guides and cultural edification in our latest Italy guidebook, out now.

(First published for Mr & Mrs Smith, May 2012)

Keeping Peace on the Streets – Cycling Etiquette

Posted on May 10, 2012 by Karen Cleveland

Keeping Peace on the Streets – Cycling Etiquette

Fresh air on a bike trumps a cramped subway commute any day, particularly when the weather warms and spring fever sets in. The rules of the road, whether for safety or for keeping the peace, apply to everyone, regardless of how many wheels they are riding on. Sadly, road rage isn’t limited to those in cars.

The tenets of being a civilized cyclist are more than just being courteous: they ensure safety. Andrea Garcia, Director of Advocacy at the Toronto Cyclists Union offers up some advice for sharing the streets.

Cyclists

Ring my beeeeeell! Unlike car horns, which are the audible equivalent of an expletive and a fist shake, bike bells sound gentle and friendly. Use bells gratuitously to let everyone know you are close by. (I hope this song is stuck in your head now, too.)
Move predictably. Pass on the left (just as you would when driving on the highway), merge gently with cars and other cyclists and always signal your intended direction.
Be smart. Follow up the rules by obeying traffic lights (ahem, red lights), and be wary of anything that stunts your awareness, like music cranked in your ear buds. If your bike tires are larger than 61cm (unless you are four years old and peddling like hell on your tricycle, this likely applies to you), stay off of the sidewalk.

Motorists

Listen for those bells! People on bikes don’t have booming car horns, so keep your ears open for that cautionary ‘ding’.
Be mindful of making rights. When turning right, be sure to check your mirror and blind spot to ensure a cyclist is not in your path.
No one wants a door prize. Watch when opening your door and remind other passengers in your car to please do the same.

For more advice from Andrea, check this smart video.

~ Karen Cleveland | Photo from charikichi.tumblr.com

(First published on She Does The City, May 2012)

Cars and Bikes: Make Love, Not Road Rage

Posted on May 7, 2012 by Karen Cleveland

Spring fever is in full swing and many commuters are trading up a stuffy ride on the subway in favour of some fresh air on a bike. The rules of the road, whether for safety or for keeping the peace, apply to everyone, regardless of how many wheels they ride on. And, sadly, road rage isn’t limited to those in cars.

The tenets of being a civilized cyclist are more than just being courteous: they ensure safety. Andrea Garcia, Director of Advocacy at the Toronto Cyclists Union, reminds….

Cyclists

Ring your bell! Unlike car horns, which are the audible equivalent of an expletive and a fist shake, bike bells sound gentle and friendly. Use bells gratuitously to let everyone know you are close by.

Move predictably. Pass on the left (just as you would when driving on the highway), merge gently with cars and other cyclists and always signal your intended direction.

Be smart. Follow up the rules by obeying traffic lights (ahem, red lights), and be wary of anything that stunts your awareness, like music cranked in your ear buds. If your bike tires are larger than 61cm (unless you are four years old and peddling like hell on your tricycle, this likely applies to you), stay off of the sidewalk.

Motorists

Listen for those bells! People on bikes don’t have booming car horns, so keep your ears open for that cautionary ‘ding’.

Be mindful when making rights. When turning right, be sure to check your mirror and blind spot to ensure a cyclist is not in your path.

No one wants a door prize. Watch when opening your door and remind other passengers in your car to please do the same.

For more advice from Andrea, check this smart video.

(First published in The Huffington Post Canada, May 2012)

Surf etiquette: the right way to catch a wave

Posted on March 27, 2012 by Karen Cleveland

I met Dunia Burgos a few years ago on my first trip to Nicaragua and we instantly hit it off. The country’s top woman surfer, she is known on her home beach of Maderas as much for her jaw-dropping surf skills as she is for her unwavering warmth. Her demeanour counters every stereotype of locals being fiercely territorial over their beach. In fact, Burgos seems to welcome every surfer into the water, regardless of their skill.

If you are lucky enough to meet Burgos in the lineup at Maderas, paddle over and say hello. Be sure to heed her etiquette tips, which she bestowed to me over a cup of coffee in the shade at The Maderas Village.

Before you dip a toe into the water, take a few minutes to do some reconnaissance from the beach. Chat with people coming in from a surf, watch for rocks and rips in the water and how the waves are breaking. This due diligence is important not only for your safety, but also to avoid needlessly getting in anyone’s way in the water.
When you are ready to make your way out, Burgos recommends easing into the lineup, particularly at a locals beach. She suggests sticking to the shoulder for a bit and gradually making your way over. A head nod, wave and a quick hello never hurt either.
The surfer closest to the peak of the wave has priority on it. So if you are paddling after a right-breaking wave and a surfer on your left is also chasing it, they get the right of way.
If you accidentally drop in on someone else’s wave, say you are sorry. If it was genuinely an accident and you did not see them, and your apology is sincere, you will likely be forgiven. But do not do it again.
As you paddle back out, avoid heading straight into the lineup as inevitably someone will end up surfing right into you, which is not fun for them and is extremely dangerous for you. Go around, or paddle in behind the direction they are headed. If you find yourself directly in the path of someone on a wave, your first instinct might be to duck dive, though Burgos cautions to just stay still. This way, the surfer can clearly see you (bobbing on your board with a distraught look on your face) and plan their route around you. If you disappear under the water, they simply cannot plan around you and risk running right over you. In fact, Burgos stands by this advice to any surfer in a moment of uncertainty: do not move.
Always know where your board is. Burgos reminds that a long board, when coupled with a leash of the same length, can travel quite a distance. If you are not constantly mindful of where your board is, you are potentially posing a risk to anyone in a 15-foot radius. Most bumps and bruises (or heaven forbid, worse) are from surf boards, either your own or someone else’s, so be aware of the distance in between you and other surfers.
It is simply not in Burgo’s good nature to talk surf etiquette tips without putting her signature warm touch on the subject. She has a lovely saying, “If you do not surf, never start. If you surf, never stop” and encourages her students to shirk off the intimidation of the sport and the line up and get out there. Disclaimer: she makes it look deceivingly easy.

(First published in The Huffington Post Canada, March 2012)

Having words

Posted on January 14, 2011 by Karen Cleveland

I’m back from a little vaunt to paradise. I’d lament about how awful it is coming back to the blustery weather here, but that would be in bad poor taste since it’s not going anywhere, anytime soon.

My time in Nicaragua was a picture of charming locals and travellers, everyone wildly kind and polite (save for the odd sniping of another surfer’s wave).

At one dinner out, the table was rounded out by folks from all over the Americas and Europe. One couple had a habitual cringe-worthy habit of flipping into a language that only the two of them understood — and chatting privately, in front of the rest of the group.

They also groped each other, but that’s extraneous to the point. And gross.

Point: If you need to have a private word in a public setting, wouldn’t stepping away be a better idea?

(First published on She Does the City, January 2011)